She feels as if she has a giant empty hole inside her, and attempts to fill it with more books, and with food. Though her secret independent reading grants Deborah some sense of escape from her rigid and restrictive life, she continues to feel isolated and restless. She hopes desperately to be delivered from her entrapping circumstances by some magical force. For once she feels a sense of belonging, as if the authors see and know her. She spends much of her time alone in her room, reading these hidden novels. She acts out in school, speaks her mind, and even begins secretly checking out forbidden English books from the library. However, Deborah cannot help speaking out, breaking rules, and staging small pranks and acts of rebellion. She tries her hardest to be a good Jewish girl, to satisfy the hopes and expectations of her grandparents. Her family's constant need to make disparaging comments about her parents' mental instability, causes Deborah to live in shame of her parental roots, and fear of becoming just like them. She does not know anyone else who does not live with their parents. Though Bubby and Zeidy are not unkind to Deborah, she feels a constant sense of detachment and loneliness. Chaya's coldness and cruelty, lead Deborah to move in with her father's parents, who she calls Bubby and Zeidy. Initially, Deborah moves in with her aunt, Chaya. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2012.ĭeborah Feldman's memoir, Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots, is written from Deborah's first person point of view, and told in the present tense.Īfter Deborah's mother flees the Hasidic community under mysterious pretenses, her family declares her father unfit to raise her. Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots. The following version of this book was used to create the guide: Feldman, Deborah.

Deborah feldman memoir